The Cycle-Breaker, Change-Maker, Curse-Breaker

On generational trauma, symbiotic relationships, and choosing healing over repeating unhealthy patterns of behavior

The roots of your family’s generational histories and traumas often imprint themselves into the folds of your mind, your heart. They stick to the deep recesses of your psyche, reveling in the darkness of ignorance, of things brushed under the rug far too often and for far too long, happy to continue wreaking havoc on generation upon generation.

Until you came along.

“By developing a relationship with the painful parts of ourselves—parts we have often inherited from our family—we have an opportunity to shift them.”

— Mark Wolynn

It takes one person to break a generational curse. One person to stand against the conditioned response and demand respect - demand more for themselves than what they have been given. There is power in this, in being the first to do things differently, in having the courage to stand up on shaking legs and firmly say “no more”.

But being the first is a lonely number. It is isolating. Draining. It can often feel far more exhausting than simply going along with the status quo, especially since it involves your own family, the people you’ve grown up with, who’ve raised you, who’ve seen you and been with you from the very beginning.

But change comes at a cost. And that cost often involves friction. Arguments. Conflict. The forging of a new path will always involve bumps along the road - obstacles and experiences that force you to evolve and grow, that challenge the person you are, the person you want to be.

And yet, it is worth it.

It is worth it because the future generations of your family, of your lineage, are basking in the warmth of an accepting, freeing, liberating way of being. You might not feel it because of the limits on how we as humans process time and space, but a world exists in which they are sending you so much gratitude, right in this moment.

It is worth it because it just takes one person to choose to do things differently, one person to inspire a new way of thought and behavior for others to find meaning in, for others to begin questioning their own. Someone has to pave the way for change. Someone has to show the rest of the family that there is another path, a healthier one that can benefit everyone in the long-run. Why not you?

It is worth it because everyone wants to change the world but no one thinks to start with themselves. If we all choose to show up in our communities in all our authenticity, upholding healthy boundaries, mutual care, compassion, respect, and support, we would all benefit. Symbiotic relationships with each other involving healthy communication and openness could easily fill the gap that disconnection and the loneliness epidemic hold over so many of us.

“I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.”

— Carl Gustav Jung

Yes, there will be moments in which people are unwilling and closed off to change, no matter how healthy. But communicating and standing in your truth is never a bad thing. If you fight for healthy relationships, accountability, and mutual care and love, you become a magnet for others who see you, who support you and love you for all that you are, not a watered down, more “palatable” version of yourself. You deserve to be seen and loved for your wholeness. Your tribe is out there.

It takes a tremendous amount of conviction and bravery to do this kind of work, to become a cycle-breaker, a change-maker, a curse-breaker. It takes even more to remain steadfast in your choices. Remember your value, your worth, how loved you are no matter how it may feel during this journey. People can only meet you as far as they’ve met themselves, after all. And your worth, your wholeness is unchangeable no matter what.

“The failures of our parents may become our burden, but it is our choice to continue carrying it onward into the next generation or put it down.”

— Oriana Allen

Remember, your lineage offers far more than just curses and pain. There is also strength in your root system. There is power that your ancestors have bestowed upon you. Use it to build something new. Use it to forge a new path for generations to come. Use it to help create and add to to a thriving community full of healthy relationships, communication, mutual care, respect, support, and compassion.

More often than not, the “harder” way forward is actually the easier path in disguise. Growth is worth fighting for.